what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
