No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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