So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
