You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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