was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
