Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
