Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the liver wants what the liver wants
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
