Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
