You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
not ubering you a puppy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
