We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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