You made me cry and you don't even care
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
