This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
