how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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