Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
