Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
