Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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