i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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