I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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