What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A bitchslap is in order.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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