So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
