I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
