It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
