I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
