her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
