wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
