just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
