My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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