u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
