plz talk dirty to me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
