STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
