I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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