Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
