I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
