Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
