My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
