I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
