i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
