But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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