apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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