i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
