Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
