I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
