I'm lost and stupid without you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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