fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
