I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
