Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
