Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
