I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
