I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dual....:-)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
