I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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