laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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