things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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