somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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